It's been almost three years since I've been in a relationship. In that whole time, I've gone out on about 3 dates until recently. I took the time to get my bearings and to adjust to life as a single mom. Even in this time, I've wanted to find love, but I haven't been aggressively pursuing it until recently.
I joined an online dating site in hopes of finding love, a partner, and my soul mate. For the first few months, every time I would email someone, I wouldn't get a reply, and in the guys who emailed me, I wasn't interested. I was really thrilled when recently I received an email from someone who sparked my interest.
After a few emails back and forth, we went out on a first date. I felt the excitement and anticipation for it, especially when he asked me on the second date. On this second date, he had worked all day, so he wanted to watch a movie at his house, which I agreed to. Little did I know this was code for having sex.
We kissed for the first time on the couch, but when he tried to go further and I stopped it, he was offended. I said I wasn't like that, which apparently I wasn't clear in meaning I wasn't going to have sex on the second date.
Later that night, he called me a tease. I explained to him that I'm not but I need to "feel comfortable" (not my best choice of words) with a guy first. We agreed to see each other again, after all we each met the requirements we were both looking for in a mate, at least on paper. When he said the next time we saw each other, there would be no physical touching, I thought he was kidding…at least a little.
But he wasn't. On our third date, he kept to himself as I did. It was as though we were complete strangers, which definitely wasn't allowing me to feel more comfortable with him.
After this date, he said we wouldn't see each other again until I felt comfortable with him…in other words comfortable to have sex with him. Red flag, red flag, red flag!
So let me be clear, in my online dating profile, I specifically say I'm looking for a relationship and to find love. I'm not sure what about that suggests to a guy I just want to have sex. And just because someone meets your requirements on paper doesn't mean he will have manners or know how to treat you. It also doesn't mean there will be any connection whatsoever with him.
A guy I was interested in was finally interested in me just to find out all he wanted was sex. I felt like I was in high school again (not that that happened to me in high school--it didn't, but it sounds like something that does). I was disappointed not that this didn't work out with this jerk, but that I allowed myself to hope that it could…that I allowed myself to hope this guy was it. I was let down but allowing myself to get so excited about the possibility.
On the other hand, I know this brings me one step closer to the guy I'm meant to be with. I still have hope that the guy for me is out there. I have no idea where he is or when I'll find him, but he's out there. Until then, I'll have to go out with a lot of jerks in the meantime, but finding love with be worth it all.